Column Date 2011-03-17


It’s no surprise that America's newspapers are hemorrhaging money and losing millions of readers every year.


After all, with the frantic lives we lead these days, who’s got time to read all those words, many of them with several syllables?


We’ve already made the leap from the NY Times (long, long articles) to USA Today (short, short articles) to Twitter (140 characters or less).


But why stop there? Why use 140 characters when just 50 will do?


So here are some fast-breaking news stories from the Tannen Weekly’s exciting, new “NANO-NEWS SERVICE – all you need to know in 50 characters or less”:



Charlie Sheen fired again, threatens to sue again


Senator caught with hooker; says still loves wife


Cubs win World Series; two fans have coronaries


New exercise plan takes only 2 minutes a week


Texas says daylight savings time unconstitutional


Baby panda makes debut at local zoo; looks cute


Man celebrates 108th b’day; attributes age to gin


New computer fits on fingernail; manicurists upset


Scientists err; ‘killer’ asteroid only 2-feet high


Tribe returns to jungle; says modern world ‘nuts’


KKK gives up robes; cites high cleaning costs


So there you have it: today’s news in 50 characters or less.


It’s the next great revolution in journalism.’s the ultimate dumbing down of America.


(c) 2011 Peter Tannen





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