Column Date 2011-03-17

ALL THE NEWS IN 50 CHARACTERS OR LESS!

It’s no surprise that America's newspapers are hemorrhaging money and losing millions of readers every year.

 

After all, with the frantic lives we lead these days, who’s got time to read all those words, many of them with several syllables?

 

We’ve already made the leap from the NY Times (long, long articles) to USA Today (short, short articles) to Twitter (140 characters or less).

 

But why stop there? Why use 140 characters when just 50 will do?

 

So here are some fast-breaking news stories from the Tannen Weekly’s exciting, new “NANO-NEWS SERVICE – all you need to know in 50 characters or less”:

 

 

Charlie Sheen fired again, threatens to sue again

 

Senator caught with hooker; says still loves wife

 

Cubs win World Series; two fans have coronaries

 

New exercise plan takes only 2 minutes a week

 

Texas says daylight savings time unconstitutional

 

Baby panda makes debut at local zoo; looks cute

 

Man celebrates 108th b’day; attributes age to gin

 

New computer fits on fingernail; manicurists upset

 

Scientists err; ‘killer’ asteroid only 2-feet high

 

Tribe returns to jungle; says modern world ‘nuts’

 

KKK gives up robes; cites high cleaning costs

 


So there you have it: today’s news in 50 characters or less.

 

It’s the next great revolution in journalism. Or...it’s the ultimate dumbing down of America.

 


(c) 2011 Peter Tannen

 

 

 

 

To hear a podcast of this column, please go to:

http://www.TannenWeekly.podomatic.com/