Column Date 2010-12-19

Elderly man and reindeer detained by TSA

PHOENIX, AZ (Special to the Tannen Weekly) –


Officials of the Transportation Security Administration stopped an elderly man from entering the United States in a strange aircraft last night.


The man, described as “overweight, bearded and wearing a red and white party costume,” was being held pending further investigation.


Nine small reindeer, referred to as “possible undocumented aliens,” were also taken into custody. One, with an unusual glowing red nose, was immediately placed in quarantine and was being examined by government veterinarians.


“The gentleman’s papers seem to be in order,” said a TSA spokesperson, “but he’s carrying an unbelievable amount of luggage, which is being put through our X-ray scanning machines as we speak.”


When asked how many packages the man was bringing into the country, the official would only say that the number was “in the millions.”


Sources confirmed that the detainee’s name was not on any government “No Fly” list, and he was expected to be released as soon as the TSA finished examining his packages.


“In this job, you never know who’s coming through the door next,” said one anonymous TSA examiner.


 “Last Spring, we had to deal with a giant bunny carrying a basketful of eggs. We asked Washington for guidance, but nobody there was very helpful.”



(c) 2010 Peter Tannen