Column Date 2010-08-11

Billionaire shocks voters; decides not to run for office

Sarasota, FL (Special to the Tannen Weekly) In a surprising announcement today, Samuel F. Oetsinger, a well known businessman and multi-billionaire, declined invitations from both major political parties to run for public office.


Had he chosen to run, political insiders had already declared Mr. Oetsinger a shoo-in for any office in the state.


One pundit said: “Anyone who can put, say, $150,000,000 into a political campaign and not notice it’s gone from his checking account, is today’s perfect candidate.”


“On the other hand,” she added, “his withdrawl could be the start of a whole new trend which might pave the way for even poor Americans to hold office someday.”


In a statement released this morning, Mr. Oetsinger said: “Sitting in the statehouse or in Congress seems like a mind-numbing job.“


“I think I can use my time much more efficiently by going out and simply buying a few congressmen. And perhaps a couple of senators, too. When I dial their phones, they’ll answer.”


When asked about this unexpected turn of events, neither political party was available for comment.



(c) 2010 Peter Tannen