Column Date 2010-01-23

Poodles demand legal rights as "people"

Washington, D.C. (Special to the Tannen Weekly) Attorneys for the Poodle Coalition of America today announced a lawsuit to grant poodles the same rights the Supreme Court recently gave to corporations.

"If the court claims that corporations -- which are legal entities that exist only to make money -- are 'people,' surely poodles are even more qualified," said an attorney.

The lawsuit argues that dogs, unlike corporations, show the essential human traits of empathy, love and loyalty.

"How many corporations exhibit even a trace of the very elements that define a 'person'?" the attorney asked.

The lawsuit demands that poodles be allowed full First Amendment rights to free speech, including the right to spend money on political campaigns without any limits.

"Some folks may snicker," said a Poodle Coalition spokesperson, "but dogs inherit hundreds of millions of dollars each year from their owners. In fact, the late Leona Helmsley's dog, 'Trouble,' inherited $12 million from Mrs. Helmsley's estate."

"There's no reason why 'Trouble' shouldn't be allowed to finance any political candidate who is good for dogdom."

A Florida state senator said she vehemently opposed the lawsuit, claiming that French Poodles were actually foreign nationals living in the USA illegally.

The Poodle Coalition confirmed that they had contacted other breeds to join the lawsuit.

(c) 2010 Peter Tannen