Column Date 2010-01-10

Major escalation in "War on Greed"

Washington, D.C. (Special to the Tannen Weekly)
President Obama announced today that the U.S. Department of Justice had ramped up its activities and arrested 237 international bankers in simultaneous pre-dawn raids on eight offshore tax havens.

Reports of arrests came from Luxembourg, Switzerland, Andorra, Lichtenstein, Panama, the Cayman Islands, the British Virgin Islands, and the Isle of Man.

Many of the bankers are being held at the U.S. base in Guantanamo, Cuba, although some of the greediest have been rendered to friendly countries around the world for interrogation.

Officials from major banks expressed indignation, claiming that their bankers were simply vacationing in these countries and denied their involvement in "greed-ist" activities.

Rumors circulated wildly in Washington. One reported that the names of some "fat cat" bankers were provided to U.S. Marshalls by competing bankers with grudges to settle. Another said that bankers were targeted according to the size of their year-end bonuses.

Requests for interviews with the bankers were refused by officials of the Justice Department, who said the bankers were labeled "enemy combatants" by the President and would eventually be tried by military tribunals.

As "enemy combatants," the bankers are not protected by either the Geneva Convention or the usual rules of greed as defined by Wall St.

The Department of Justice also put out a call for translators fluent in both English and "Sub-Prime-Mortgage" patois.

(c) 2010 Peter Tannen